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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26849968">home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/justK/pseuds/justK'>justK</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>finding my way [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, I'm having fun tho, I'm not a native english speaker, M/M, Nonlinear Narrative, Not Betaed, Porn with Feelings, Smut, also written in about three hours, as you may have realised, can be read independently, completed ;), disrupted narrative, hope you like it, i still dont know what this is, if i cointue to write them in one hour i might finish in a week, it's gonna have multiple chapters, stay tuned, this is the continuation of who are you?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:34:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,915</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26849968</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/justK/pseuds/justK</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>i'm going to make everything around me beautiful —</p><p><em>that will be my life</em>.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>finding my way [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958635</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>not a native english speaker, i apologise for any mistakes i may have.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>although a story does not really have a beginning, i could, if i concentrate very well, for various reasons, pinpoint this as the one: when Ten breathed heavily from his spot in the centre of the practice room, a bead of sweat trickling down from his hairline to the edge of his forehead, between his eyebrows. his blurred vision was only focused enough to distinguish himself reflected in the mirror, but not to define the outline of the bodies of his companions moving in the periphery of his vision. he could listen to their footsteps, he caught their movements around the room out of the corner of his eye, disorderly, bumping into each other, ducking for their belongings, throwing their head back to drink water, readjusting their clothes, going to meet another member and finally parading through the door, joking, shoving each other, talking. Ten felt it prolonged, but i can tell you it took exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>forty-seven</span>
  </em>
  <span> seconds to occur. when he came back to himself, there was no one else reflected in the mirror, other than him and one other person. he dropped his head and the bead of sweat resting on his brow fell to the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>slowly he began to hear his breathing resounding loudly in his ears, his and someone else's, the silence was deafening. he shook his head in an attempt to get rid of it and in the movement, he found Kun across the room, almost in the exact same final position of the choreography, inert. he did not turn his body to acknowledge his presence, but Ten knew he was looking at him, he could feel him, through the mirror, the same way Kun could feel his raw gaze on him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kun was not smiling as he had done a few moments ago, what's more, his expression was completely undone, even so, Ten perceived him to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>peaceful, calm, content.</span>
  </em>
  <span> he did not know if because it was common to see him with a good attitude, smiling, helpful, or, on the contrary, because it was common to see him down, thoughtful, conflicted. and, at that moment Ten could not have given you answer if you had asked him, but now he could.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the reality was that Kun was an extraordinarily strong person and always put on a good face to the world, one of the characteristics that Ten admired the most in any human being, but there was always a flaw in the system, and Kun's system was no exception. so if to the others Kun remained unaffected, there must be someone with whom his façade did not look so stable. it was not like Kun deliberately chose who to show himself to and to whom he should hide, because he was always constant with everyone, it was, rather, that Ten understood even without knowing it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>you see, when Kun joined the company, Ten was already a bit ahead of him, having started before and experienced previous presentations and competitions in thailand, so when Kun arrived, he was immediately taught that anyone with more experience than you had to be respected, admired from afar and hardly been spoken to. so Kun never really put that much effort into getting close to Ten, of course, until he was informed that they would be part of the same group, then he thought it would be important to have a good relationship with his fellow 96 liner.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>when Kun approached him for the first time it was at a company meeting where all the rookies and trainees were, Ten knew who he was and without any difficulty he had responded happily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“hi, i'm Kun,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he had introduced himself in awkward korean.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“i know who you are,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ten replied, small and thin even at that time, also in a slightly broken korean, turning around to get a good look at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“it's nice talking to you for real.“</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kun's lips twisted into the closest thing he could find to a smile.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>they did not meet a lot again after that. Ten hung out with more experienced rookies, like him, most of the time; while Kun limited himself to his own loneliness, occasionally with some other chinese trainee and very rarely with the rookies that would later become NCT.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Ten would never have thought to coincide with him more than necessary. </span>
  <em>
    <span>but it was inevitable</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  and not even for the reasons you would think of, because at first they did not know they would be part of a chinese group together. it was inevitable because, more often than not, they found themselves pushed to the back, standing in front of a stage wanting to jump up and just do what they loved, to reach out and take what they had been promised, but they did not even dare to sit down out of respect, or because they had the slight hope that some manager would speak to them and require their presence for a project. they were always ready to go and do what they were supposed to be doing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Kun thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>at least Ten had had the good fortune to debut in a unit</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to participate, however brief, in something great. and Ten thought so often too. he was grateful for whatever little he had been given, even though deep down he longed for more, because then he would turn and see Kun </span>
  <em>
    <span>gē</span>
  </em>
  <span>, sitting in the steps, training from dawn to midnight, finishing his studies at the university, struggling to split himself into three to keep an eye on Chenle and Renjun as well, receiving absolutely nothing in return. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>two years.</span>
  </em>
  <span> two years was what Ten had to wait to be able to be a part of NCT again and he knew it was not due to his knee injury at all. it was more due to his nationality. the only thai boy in the company, with chinese roots on top of that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“never, ever,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he emphasized, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“give up. your nationality has nothing to do with anything, you are going to get everything you want,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yixing had once told them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“the important thing is what you think of yourself and the people who give you the support you need, never accept less than you deserve.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he would always be grateful for that advice, and he never regretted following it, because after all, example makes all the difference, and now he could see his sunbaenim blabber about having a stable career, his own company, and a beautiful family that although he could not see, because he was not allowed to return to korea with EXO that frequently, they were still the brothers that Yixing loved the most.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>and so, Ten tried, and continues to try, not to let himself down, or at least not allow a bad impact on his mental health. he knows that the rest of his chinese colleagues try every day as well.  unfortunately, he could not say the same about the others, those born in korea did not present a major problem, Mark, for his part, was a jewel for SM, opening the american market to them and, after many years, Johnny received what Ten knew he deserved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>many years meeting in the same places, feeling the same emotions, fighting the same battle, had led them to share an understood, </span>
  <em>
    <span>unspoken silence</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it was not even necessary to talk it out. when you are treated in the same way, when you frequent the same places and force yourself to be fine in front of the same people, an invisible bond is created.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ten could tell you now that what he had seen that day in the practice room, that lingering sensation in Kun's frown, was nothing more than the </span>
  <em>
    <span>sadness</span>
  </em>
  <span> that had been present within him for so long, that Ten had become used to seeing where the others saw </span>
  <em>
    <span>happiness</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“我们 会 没事 的,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> the words escaped from his mouth in slightly mispronounced chinese without giving them permission, but he did not regret it, because immediately afterwards he saw Kun turn his head, pass his tongue over his dehydrated lips and without bothering to turn towards him, answer:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“我们 会 好 起来 的.“</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>and Ten was grateful that Kun had not bothered to compose himself, readjust his position and show himself stronger, because like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this, right there,</span>
  </em>
  <span> hunched over, slightly crestfallen, sweating, droopy eyes, disheveled hair, </span>
  <em>
    <span>like this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Kun looked the strongest he had ever been in years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>needless to say, that is where a change began, a change that Ten had been nesting inside him for a long time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>taking a quick look back, and i am not going to bother going for something extremely elaborate, i will show you from something you have already seen: his predebut videos. so, simple, we can say that Ten has always been free, witty, spoiled (do not get me wrong this part, spoiled in the best of ways), smiling and just so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ten</span>
  </em>
  <span>. over the years he had built a reputation for himself, boy, i could even tell you that he had even branded his name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he used to throw jokes that sometimes seemed cruel, but were laughable anyway, some others of an adult nature, the double meaning seemed to be present in almost everything he said and although there were members who were uncomfortable at first, everyone had come to appreciate it as something very typical of the thai; his recklessness was also gold among the minefield they walked through every day, especially in such a conservative country, and with time you realise that it has nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with his simple essence, although  you are correct, Ten is as straight as a noodle, but not everything is due to sexual orientation as people usually believe. he is strong too, because even though there are people who attack him because of his sexuality, who discriminate him and lessen him because of his ethnicity, like all the other foreigners, and there are also those who silence and ignore him as if he were a zero to the left and all his years of effort and preparation were worth nothing. Ten did not allow himself to decay, even on his worst days. that being said, you can assume that Ten hardly cried either, and having such an impeccable control of his emotions, expressions, way of carrying himself, all that combined, gave him the freedom that many people envied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>but Ten was not perfect either.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>at the beginning of the second year of his imposed break, and i say imposed because SM did not directly contact him again for anything else after his injury, other than his brief </span>
  <em>
    <span>Station, Dream in a Dream</span>
  </em>
  <span>, as much as Ten tried to recover quickly, Ten had practically realised by himself that he would not be going anywhere anytime soon. that did not stop him from continuing to spend time with his groupmates, after all he lived with them, saw them every day and went out to eat as much as their tight schedule allowed. he took care of the dreamies as well as he could, because yes, SM took it upon itself to give him another task, nothing related to what he wanted to do with his life, but he did not complain because those children brought peace to his frequently tormented thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he was spending more time than he thought with Taeyong, Johnny, and Mark. with the latter because the language barrier was easier to break (and because he had a </span>
  <em>
    <span>big fat</span>
  </em>
  <span> crush on Johnny that you cannot deny), with Taeyong, for his part, because he was their leader and </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> something else. so he was never really alone, but having company is not quite the same as having someone to lean on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>there were times when he could meet Yukhei and understand the anxiety that filled the child, give him whatever poor advice he had at hand and watch him grow little by little into a more confident version of himself, in the end Yukhei had not received the treatment he deserved either, and Ten banged his head against the wall wondering what he had done wrong for Yukhei to receive that. in the end, he was grateful for everything, even the bad things that happened to them because that meant that he had more time to get to know him, that between the two of them they could get to know the world and understand only a little about his insecurities. </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they even had to take care of the dreamies together once. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>other times he could sit silently with Sicheng, the chinese man did his best to communicate with him, but Ten knew he was having a hard time and he never demanded more of him than Sicheng was willing to demand of himself. but with just one hand on the shoulder they could understand each other. Ten used to shake his head angrily at </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span>, whoever it was that put Sicheng in such emotional conflict. he was the one who received the most out of the four chinese members, excluding of course Renjun and Chenle, </span>
  <em>
    <span>but that insult disguised as glory</span>
  </em>
  <span> was simply not worthy, either way, Sicheng only shrugged and continued to do his job.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>gradually, over the course of his second year off, Ten lost </span>
  <em>
    <span>essence</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not noticeably nor drastically, he himself didn't even noticed, until almost a year and a half later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he saw his fellow NCT members less often, and he, instead, met more trainees in the company, alongside Yukhei and sometimes Kun in the distance. it was a little difficult for him to communicate in the same way with his friends.  he came to lose interest in following this path, his drawings were made abundant on paper on his small desk in the bedroom and in messy images on his ipad. the food worked its way through his stomach with more difficulty.  and his smile was just as perfect and frequent, but without that special glow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>at the end of 2017, he was finally told that he would be a part of something great once again. thus, he met his leader in the practice room. it was not much, but it was more than enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>in late 2017 and early 2018, he completed his project with Taeyong, he was informed that there would be a comeback with all of NCT and that he was about to debut in the group's chinese unit. this is how he immediately started taking mandarin lessons in january, while finishing </span>
  <em>
    <span>Baby Don't Stop.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>New Heroes</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the highlight of his year. they had given him the freedom to write his own lyrics, to do his own choreography, and simply to do his own work of art. and he did. everything he had accumulated for a long time, everything he wanted to shout to the world, not only for him, but for his companions who lived the same, he said it, he made sure to leave it captured and immortalised.  unexpectedly, Kun was the one who thanked him, thanked him for releasing a bit of what many of them felt and immediately afterwards they came to the preparations for </span>
  <em>
    <span>Black on Black</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>not much had improved, let's be honest, </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> had improved. being only, basically, backup dancers for the rest was not life and they did feel happiness, but you have no idea how much it hurts that they only use you, that they fill you with illusions and then they let you fall, that they tell you that you are important but then turn their back on you, that you want to do more, </span>
  <em>
    <span>much more</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but you can only stand and observe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“我们 会 没事 的.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“我们 会 好 起来 的.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>the real world still did not seem real. they looked away from each other, deciding to see each other through the mirror. what they were experiencing was not yet what they wanted, but they would achieve it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>. yes they would. someday they could see themselves face to face, facing the reality they so longed for. for now the illusion of the mirror was all they had, and it was enough. but it would change.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>oh yes it would.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the first time they were introduced to Yangyang, Dejun, and Kunhang it had seemed like a dream. they knew them from before, Yangyang himself had spent a lot of time with almost every NCT member who debuted late, and Kunhang and Dejun were already very familiar with Kun at this point.  but we talk about the first time they were introduced as part of the group that would be WayV.  they all had their nerves on the surface, anxiety that was present in different ways in each one, Yukhei ate excessive amounts of food, Yangyang seemed more hyperactive than normal and Ten had difficulty sleeping.</p><p>in the end they got along well and after months they could be defined as WayV.</p><p>they were ecstatic. everything seemed to be a dream, they were walking on clouds and everything bad had been absolutely worth it. all those months of studying mandarin, because the truth was that no one spoke impeccable mandarin, except for Kun. ten had spent much of his training sitting with Kun reviewing pronunciation, simply because his mandarin was the most standard and easy to understand.</p><p>they moved together, in korea and china. together they decorated their rooms, the living room, the kitchen… they chose the dishes they would use, the sheets they wanted and the shelves that best accommodated their belongings.</p><p>the trip to the store was one of the most chaotic things Ten had ever experienced. <em> yes, </em>the rest of NCT was chaotic itself. <em> but no,</em> none of them compared to their new dongsaengs.</p><p>
  <em> “why don't we bring these dishes?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “they're pink, Kunhang.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “what does that have to do with anything? your toxic masculinity is not going to get affected.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “you speaking of masculinity to Yangyang.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “this couch is fine, it's big-”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “and uncomfortable.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “-it's perfect to send you there to sleep when you disobey me.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “ow, how hostile, Kun gē.”  </em>
</p><p>they smiled all the way and the next day when the furniture arrived, in sweats and hoodies, bare feet on the floor and glasses on the bridge of their noses, they organized everything, Kun and Ten doing most of the work. they decided that there should be an older member per room, one of the advantages of being them is that the staff gave them more freedom, so there would be no manager living with them. so Kun would stay with Yangyang and Dejun; Sicheng with Yukhei; and Ten with Kunhang.</p><p>they painted the walls, hung photos, hooked up computers, set up desks, dressed their bedrooms, set up the kitchen, separated the closets, and organized the bathrooms. Kun was in charge of cooking, the youngest four of making them laugh and Ten and Sicheng of keeping a balance.</p><p>from there they fell into a comfortable routine, almost without realising it. they lived with themselves and for themselves. having Kun cooking, Ten stressed out yelling for their belongings to be sorted out, Sicheng silently helping out like the good older brother he was, Yukhei lifting their mood and spirits, Dejun playing guitar, and Kunhang and Yangyang doing, honestly, anything out of the ordinary, was  the sight that always received them. and after a couple of months there was nothing else for them. that was what they had longed for so far.</p><p>that understood silence shared by the two eldest hadn't changed at all, except perhaps, that it was now less painful.</p><p>Kun used to sit late into the night, after everyone had fallen asleep, at the kitchen counter with tea in hand.</p><p>
  <em> “what are you doing awake so late?" Ten asked having left his room because he couldn't sleep. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kun looked at him, as he had looked at him many times before, but more tangible. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “i like to make sure everyone is okay at the end of the day.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ten inclined his head like a curious bird and shuffled to approach the table, hesitantly, pulled up a chair and sat down. Kun had his glasses on, a hoodie that looked a little — too big — on him, and the gentlest look in the world.  even after months of starting their new life, Ten didn't feel that much had changed between them, sometimes he still saw Kun and continued to perceive him as a trainee with whom he did not have much communication, except that now they had a whole group under their wing and more than one feeling in common. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “you should rest more,” Ten chided. “we all are fine.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Kun stared at him with wide eyes and lowered the cup into his hands.  “i know.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ten tilted his head to the other side, a silent question. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “i am not the best leader,” admitted the older one. “i'm still trying to discover myself.”  </em>
</p><p><em> Ten could see, in front of him, the outline of a strong person, who would do everything for them. but behind that pair of glasses, Ten saw </em> fear,<em> fear of an uncertain future, fear of not being enough and then he noticed that Kun was the least experienced one out of the four older ones, but he did not show it at all. </em></p><p>
  <em> he reached out his hand, trembling, and laid it on Kun's clasped hands around the warm mug. he smiled at him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “you have me,” he declared. “you've always had me.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> and Kun found something in Ten's eyes that he didn't know he needed and that he didn't know was there, but Ten was able to decipher it, because he also found something that he had seen before, but had not dared to take. </em>
</p><p>Kun smiled back.</p><p> </p><p>… </p><p> </p><p>throughout their preparation for their debut as WayV, they found a new rhythm, a different one than they already had with the rest of the members. this time it was about Kun and Ten. Ten and Kun. WayV was never without one or the other. a melody composed of a constant pitch, one note slightly higher than the other, harmonising in the best way. where Kun did not know what feeling to put into the dance of his new life, Ten helped him, and where Ten did not know how to produce his ideas and his melody, Kun supported him; so when debuting and attending interviews and shows, they were so comfortable with each other that they could handle and direct things exactly the way they wanted.</p><p>Yukhei stopped feeling valued solely for his physique. among them, and the rest of the members, they molded the <em>true</em> inner <em>Yukhei</em>, the one who was afraid to be himself because he felt judged, the one who longed to feel loved and admired for his effort and skills, not just for his physique. he stopped being noisy all the time, allowing himself to be serious when he wanted to, philosophical when he felt like it, letting his tongue run out in a familiar language.</p><p>Sicheng stopped pretending to be the cuddly member everyone wanted, don't get me wrong, he loved every second with NCT, but being seen all the time in a way, like Yukhei was seen radiating happiness, was not comfortable, at least not for that long. at WayV, with his leader and his brothers, he felt free. he could dance the way he wanted, Ten quite often asked him to show him those magnificent traditional dances that Sicheng carried in his veins. Dejun would sit in the afternoons to listen to him sing and offer to help him improve. Sicheng was Sicheng finally and Ten was happy.</p><p>Yangyang, Kunhang, and Dejun hadn't really had much of a problem before, but they still adapted to the environment quite quickly. Kun and Ten were always present for them when the things got a little bad, when bad comments used to appear or when self-doubts invaded them, immediately ready to jump to the rescue and prevent that from eating them inside out; they knew firsthand that it was not good.</p><p>Kun finally had the freedom and adoration and respect to produce his own songs, he loved to sit with each of his children and teach them a production thing or two, or invite them to help him with a song.</p><p>as for Ten... well, he had never been so happy, so at <em>peace</em>. dancing freely around the practice rooms, teaching them everything he had had a chance to learn during his inactive time. also being encouraged by Kun and Dejun to improve his singing and do everything that he would not have been allowed to do before.</p><p><em>yes</em>, everything had changed.</p><p>everyone was more vulnerable, as many unfair things had happened. but they were also stronger, because they had overcome them, each in their own way, together or separately. the long days of sitting in their small shared bedrooms late at night, wondering what they were doing wrong, mentally beating themselves for not being enough, for not reaching the standard, even blaming themselves for why they were born chinese and not korean, even doubting their culture, if it was really worth it. sometimes everything came to a numb pain, as if it were there, as if it were not there, overwhelming to the very bone, their mind felt like collapsing, as if a single breath would break their stability. they lived with a constant thud in their ears and a vomit of words on the tip of their tongue that they always forced themselves to swallow. their eyes sometimes on the verge of tears, burning furiously. their jaw ached from clenching.</p><p>and suddenly... <em>calmness</em>.</p><p>their body felt like floating, their mind actively producing happiness. the noise was no longer silent, the noise was now Yangyang's laughter, Dejun's soft melodies, Sicheng's voice… the vomit was now a constant feeling of butterflies in their stomach. their eyes never stopped smiling. their mouth embracing their white teeth.</p><p><em>yes</em>. it had changed.</p><p>but <em>yes</em>. it was also a necessary change.</p><p>he couldn't stay sad. neither of them could. living like this, just to live, get up just because it's a duty, train because that's what they're supposed to do. <em>no</em>. that's not how it works.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>across the living room was Kun standing in front of the opened closet doors as if contemplating existence, when in reality he was just wondering where to start to rearrange their clothes. he looked so focused that he didn't hear at first when Yukhei stormed in babbling in worry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>both, Ten and Kun, jumped at the sudden arrival and Ten hurried to ask the tall man what was going on. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yangyang is burning up,” he said, his big eyes looking even bigger due to his scandalised state. “i was going to invite him to the arcade when i found him laying on his bed,” Kun immediately closed the closet doors and rushed down his room's direction with Ten following closely behind. “i thought he was just lazing around until i saw him trembling.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kun stopped in his tracks and turned to Yukhei. “Xuxi, it's okay. Yangyang is okay.” Yukhei nodded still looking preoccupied. “go grab some water for him.” </em>
</p><p><em>now, Ten would normally have expected to be left out and for </em>someone else<em> to handle the situation by himself. but he forgot that </em>Kun wasn't someone else. </p><p>
  <em>“Ten-ah,” Kun spoke. Ten turned his head. “go look after Yangyang for a moment. i'm sure he'll feel better with you. i'm going to call manager-nim and a doctor.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ten nodded enthusiastically and turned around to head towards Kun, Dejun and Yangyang's room. when he opened the door he saw Yukhei sitting on the bed with the glass of water than Kun had asked for, his big figure blocked Yangyang's body entirely, Ten had to walk to the middle of the room to have a look at their youngest. Yukhei was right, Yangyang looked downright awful, messy hair, rosy face, slight sweat layer covering his skin, but still shaking as a lost child in the middle of a cold winter night despite the room being warm enough and being covered in a giant hoodie and a beige blanket. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“baby…” Ten murmured, catching YangYang's attention, that apparently felt way too bad to not even have noticed his presence. the youngest turned his head, with his eyes slightly closed, but he immediately smiled as brightly as only he can, as if he wasn't having the fever of his life. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“eomma,” Yangyang answered and Ten knew he was just teasing, and probably a little delirious due to his high temperature, because there was no way he'd call him like that at any other moment, much less in front of the cameras. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yukhei left the glass on the bedside table and stood up to leave some room for Ten, who immediately landed on the bed moving the blanket aside. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“what are you doing?” asked Yangyang scandalised. “i'm cold,” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“that's why you shouldn't be adding more heat to your body, baby,” with a little effort, Ten was able to make Yangyang sit up to remove his hoodie, while the younger complained. “c'mon. let's get that fever down.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>he took a thermometer from where Kun kept their first aid articles and made Yangyang hold it underneath his armpit, his body still shook violently and it made Ten feel bad, but he knew he had to keep the fever down. so he rushed to the shower and opened it up to regulate the water, not hot, but not extremely cold either, he took a towel, some pants and a long-sleeved shirt to then go back to the room and check the thermometer. 103 degrees. he pulled Yangyang by the wrist and led him to the bathroom, where he made him take his clothes off, except for his boxers and pushed him inside. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ten!” he exclaimed to the top of his lungs. “it's so cold! i'm gonna die!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ten rolled his eyes. “it's not that cold, you crybaby. it's to make you feel better, it's worse if you wrap yourself up in more blankets, high fever is so dangerous.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yangyang just stood under the stream, his wet hair sticking to his face and his arms wrapped tightly around himself, looking so helpless, also weak, like his trembling legs might just give up at any moment. Ten pouted, but then started to move and removed his clothes too, except for the boxers, and stepped inside to hold Yangyang. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“what are you doing?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“i'm staying with you,” Ten answered and wrapped his arms around Yangyang protectively, rubbing his hands from time to time over his pale skin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>when Yangyang stopped trembling, the oldest hurried to help him wash his hair, then his body and finally he shut the shower down. he then dried both, Yangyang and himself, and dressed them up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kun was in the bedroom when they went back, seemingly waiting. not even once did he go to check on them or tried to meddle in. it was like Kun trusted him completely and Ten felt something swell up in his chest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“feeling better?” the leader asked. </em>
</p><p><em>Yangyang still felt bitter about having been taken out of his bed, but hey, </em>at least he wasn't burning up anymore, yeah, sometimes your children hate you but you're doing what's best, so you have to stand it<em>, Ten thought. </em></p><p>
  <em>“let's check your temperature now, baby,” said Ten. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yangyang curled in his previous spot while holding the thermometer. 99.5 degrees. still not completely healthy, but way better. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“the doctor's coming,” Kun informed, moving in the bed to stand up. “he should be here in about an hour, he was just finishing with another person.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yangyang nodded and closed his eyes. then, he reached for Kun's hand to pull him back to the bed with him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“what is it?” Kun asked half smiling half laughing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“stay with me,” the maknae asked, then turning his head to the other side to take Ten by his sleeve too and pulled him in. “both of you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>maybe Yangyang felt warm nestled between their bodies. maybe the fever was still acting up in him. Ten didn't know. but then Yukhei came in storming into the room and made himself space between their bodies too, falling asleep on top of Yangyang's also sleeping figure. the rest weren't there, but something told Ten they would've found a way to cuddle up with them too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>while combing Yangyang's still not too damaged hair, his eyes found Kun's. pretty sharp inner corners, cute eyelids curve, warm coffee coloured irises, his somehow messy brows and hair. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“hey there,” Kun whispered. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“hi,” Ten whispered back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“thank you for looking after Yangyang, after all of us actually.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“you are the one who looks after everyone.” </em>
</p><p><em>“no, </em>Ten<em>.” answered Kun. something about the way he had said his nickname felt way too longing to be true. “</em>you and i<em>. all of us together.”</em></p><p>
  <em>a pause. Ten lowered his head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“thank you for being my partner.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>they nestled together for some more minutes. Ten and Kun looking over the only two kids that were in the dorm as two caring parents. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>and if after they cooked together and welcomed the rest of their small group while taking care of Yangyang together, it's not necessary for me to say it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>at the end of the day it was not only Kun who stayed up till late night with a cup of tea. it was Kun and Ten. looking at each other over the edge of their mugs. no words spoken. only an understood silence and their heartbeats harmonising in the back. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>when you build an empire with someone else, it is inevitable not to form a bond.</p><p>Kun and Ten had unknowingly been cultivating their achievements since long before WayV. starting with their way of taking care of all their members, which were not their members at that time, helping them to stay afloat. continuing for their strength and determination not to give up, because if any of them had done so they would not have all been together as they were now. going through their mutual silent agreement, until they accomplished the beautiful family they had built.</p><p>they never talked it out it, because it wasn't something that should be done. but they all knew it. WayV knew this unconsciously, because, truth was, that was all they've ever known: the familiarity within their walls, the company of the other members, Kun and Ten's warmth. but in the end, outsiders could confirm that they looked like a mom and dad raising an excellent family. they just made a great team and that was reflected in everything they did.</p><p>they were slow to realise it, but when they did, Kun was finishing washing his face in the bathroom <em>(22:36:12)</em>, just getting up from his position bent over the sink to look in the mirror and dry off with a towel, when he saw Ten's reflection behind him. his slanted eyes, characteristic for his catlike appearance, trembled restlessly, jumping from place to place on Kun's face in the mirror. long ago their life had ceased to be that tortuous limbo of before and the reflection was no longer enough, it did not fill reality.</p><p>Kun turned his head, looking over his shoulder before turning his body to face him. they had seen each other so many times by that point. <em>god</em>, they saw each other every day. but it was different.</p><p><em>“what is it?”</em> Kun's voice came out, husky, as if he hadn't used it in days.</p><p>Ten breathed and his lips parted. he blinked once, twice. Kun had no way of reading whatever he was thinking, but he could see in his eyes the flash of something akin to conflict. then, Ten stretched his hand, free of rings at night, until it rested on Kun's wet cheek, the latter shuddering at the contact and intensity of his gaze, analysing it, as if wanting to dig to the depths of his being and discover something, <em>he just didn't know what.</em> but Kun didn't need to know what it was Ten was looking for, his walls had long since collapsed for him, he lay naked in front of his feet, he had nothing to hide and Ten was free to inquire as much as he wanted, to search for everything — anything — he'd like to look for. </p><p>i don't know if he found it, because all he did was separate his thumb from the rest of his fingers and run it over Kun's also wet lips, just like a ghostly brush. and then he was reaching out with his other hand behind Kun to grab something from the sink, a speaker that he hadn't repaired was there.</p><p>Kun blinked without understanding, but did not stop and continued with what he had previously done <em>(22:36:59).</em></p><p>they danced around each other for days. Ten hugged him without warning, sat at the kitchen's table to keep him company while he cooked. Kun watched him during his practices. they would sit together in the vans, they would spend afternoons in the same sofa watching movies, there were times when Ten would wake up with him in his room.</p><p>nobody saw it strange. at least no one in WayV. the same couldn't be said for NCT. but they remained unaffected.</p><p>even when one night, after drinking as a family, because Ten and Yukhei were returning from their activities with Super M, Ten roughly pulled him into a room closing the door behind him and stamping him on it with a force that he would not have attributed to him.</p><p>but, <em>god</em>, Ten had been waiting for a long time. he didn't even know he expected it, he didn't know he wanted it. but that night, under the light of the only lamp in the living room, Ten saw Kun and saw all that they had accomplished together, and felt that emptiness suddenly fill up and discovered that the reason his previous relationship had not worked out because he could never have had what he had with Kun. then he did the only logical thing that came to mind. they both were adults, capable and responsible, so Ten's decision was hardly reckless.</p><p><em>“Ten,”</em> Kun whispered.<em> “what are you doing?” </em></p><p>
  <em>“i don't know.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>and he kissed him.</em>
</p><p>to tell you that kiss didn't feel like home would have been a vile lie.</p><p>Kun had always been the first to make the first move and always with women, not because he did not consider men attractive, he had just never stopped to think about it, especially because he had not had the time that he would have liked for a formal relationship, all his anecdotes were basically based on odd love affairs and mostly rendezvous.</p><p>having Ten all over him, <em>desperate</em>, looking bigger than he actually was, acting wild to encompass every inch of Kun's body and skin with his hands, covering his jaw and neck with hasty kisses… a bite down his collarbones and another on his earlobe.</p><p><em>“Ten,”</em> Kun murmured barely out of breath.<em> “Ten, we shouldn't- we shouldn't do this."</em></p><p><em>“hmm,”</em> was the only reply that came from the thai, as he nosed his cheek like a cat in heat.</p><p>
  <em>“i'm-” </em>
</p><p>Ten silenced him by stamping his lips once more against Kun's, almost devouring him, in a nimble movement he pulled the tip of his tongue out and passed it over the older man's lower lip, making Kun positively moan, parting his lips, just as Ten expected, to slide his tongue inside. Ten smirked.</p><p><em>“you're what?”</em> he asked still smiling.<em> “hmm?” </em></p><p><em>“i'm-”</em> Kun tried to formulate his sentence once more, but stopped when he felt Ten's thigh press against his crotch.<em> “fuck.” </em></p><p><em>“no swearing, baby, there are children in the house,”</em> Ten laughed.</p><p><em>“this is hardly family friendly anyways,”</em> complained the leader, breathing heavily.</p><p>
  <em>“and it's about to become membership only.” </em>
</p><p><em>“huh?”</em> Kun didn't even have the time to ask, when Ten roughly grabbed him by the collar of his shirt to rip him out of his place in front of the door and make him rotate positions, so, Ten was able to push him and guide him to the bed, where he dropped him once the back of his knees collided with the bed.</p><p>Ten stripped off his shirt before climbing up and landing on Kun, only stopping with his forearms so as not to crush him. He moved with the agility of a cat, honeyed and slim. and Kun couldn't do anything but lay there and take it.</p><p><em>“everything i've ever wanted,”</em> Ten spoke, undressing him little by little. <em>“i've found it with you.” </em></p><p>Kun did not find himself responding and i think it was more due to the fact that he didn't know what he was doing. i mean, he did have sexual encounters before, but with women, and maybe Ten knew this and that is why he had decided to lead the way.</p><p>they kissed and explored each other for what seemed like hours, and neither really noticed the outside world until it was all over. long after Ten stroked both of their lengths with his hand, after he reached down and gently parted Kun's hesitant thighs to nestle himself between them and take his member between his lips, even after Kun crumpled under his touch, rocking slowly on his fingers seeking more of that intoxicating sensation within him.</p><p><em>“tell me you want me,”</em> Ten asked, leaning over him. <em>“tell me you want me as i want you.” </em></p><p>Kun was devastated by then, numb from Ten's caresses, delighted with what he felt, drunk on the sensations, but what he answered was nothing less than the truth.</p><p><em>“i want you, Ten,”</em> his voice trailed off, he should have been embarrassed, but Ten smiled when he said it, finding his shattered voice most attractive. <em>“god, yes, i want you.” </em></p><p>Ten brought his face close to Kun's to meet their noses in an eskimo kiss. Kun smiled.</p><p>
  <em>“relax for me, handsome.” </em>
</p><p>Kun had embraced Ten's lean but strong body like a koala with his life, overwhelmed by both physical and mental sensations, but it didn't take long for his hands to fall lifelessly on either side of his head, fisting the sheets between his fingers. his neck bent very slightly as if giving himself to Ten, giving him space for Ten to place his face there whenever he wanted, in the crook of his shoulder and his neck; his back arched and the explosion inside his was unmatched.</p><p><em>“ah,”</em> we know that Kun has a melodic voice, but i can tell you that nothing resembled the small moans that came out of his mouth matching Ten's. <em>“Ten, ah!” </em></p><p>
  <em>“are you close, baby?” </em>
</p><p><em>“fuck, yes!”</em> Ten loved to see Kun lose all his inhibitions under his touch, become that docile being that he almost never was. in just that short time it had become one of his favorite things.</p><p>
  <em>(01:03:02)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“let go, sun.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ah! Ten!” </em>
</p><p><em>“you're so good to everyone of us,”</em> Ten spoke. <em>“let go, darling, i've got you.” </em></p><p>his back arched even more and his legs shook violently, as a moan louder than the others escaped his mouth.</p><p><em>“yes, fuck, Kun, baby,”</em> the mere sight made Ten fell over the edge.</p><p>
  <em>(01:03:49)</em>
</p><p>panting and exhausted, they fell onto the mattress and didn't know anything until the next morning.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“are you dating Kun?” </p><p>Ten stopped munching on the rice he had been eating and turned around. </p><p>the silence had been present before, being the only two in the dorm, you could hear their breathing, the friction of their clothes, the chairs dragging across the floor, their mouths chewing on the food. </p><p>Ten let down his chopsticks and the metal clacked on the ceramic bowl. he blinked two times and then turned his head to the left to face Johnny. his eyes were makeup free, but the intensity of his cat-like stare was still as present. </p><p>“i thought you invited me to have a good time,” he said. Johnny lowered his chopsticks too. </p><p>“we are having a good time,” the taller said, serious, convinced. “aren't we?” </p><p>“we should be talking about ourselves, then,” responded Ten. </p><p>“relationships are part of one's life.” </p><p>Ten closed his fists and straightened in his chair. </p><p>“you know me,” he said, sliding his tongue over his lower lip. “don't act like you don't.” </p><p>“i just wanna make sure you're okay,” Ten thanked the fact that Johnny had let his english slip, he found it easier to discuss in that language. </p><p>“<em>John</em>,” Ten's honey voice said as a warning. “please, don't become Taeyong.” </p><p>“so is that what this is all about?” Ten blinked, unaffected. </p><p>“just because i can't count on him as before, doesn't mean i need it, i've been fine by myself even when being with him. i don't need anyone else to come take over his place. he's still my leader, and i still can take whatever he has to give. i'm not entirely alone.” </p><p>Johnny didn't say anything. the material of the napkin between his fingers crumpled. </p><p>“so please, let me do things my way, let me take care of my life the way i know how.” </p><p> </p><p>… </p><p> </p><p>when Ten came into the restaurant hand in hand with Kun, the rest of their WayV kids trailing behind them like puppies wagging their tails, Johnny pulled him aside politely. </p><p>“i'm proud of you.” </p><p>Ten lifted his head more than he normally would, due to the height difference, to see him in the eye. </p><p>“is that because you didn't think me capable of it?” </p><p>Johnny shook his head. </p><p>“it's because i didn't know what you wanted to do,” he explained, calm. “but now i see it.”</p><p>Ten tilted his head to the side. </p><p>“i told you before.” </p><p>
  <em>“i'm going to make everything around me beautiful — that will be my life.”</em>
</p><p>“but i couldn't understand it back then,” came Johnny's honest reply. but Ten didn't feel offended, or sad, or alone this time. </p><p>“i guess that's where the beauty lies,” Ten whispered. “where you fight so hard for something no one else can see but you. and then, faraway, someone else comes chasing the same thing as you, the one thing you thought was invisible, but is actually visible for a chosen few.” </p><p>Johnny steps back. doesn't really reply. instead, he says:</p><p>“it's nice to meet your family officially at last,” he pauses. “i know Taeyong is proud of you too.” </p><p>Ten nods, doesn't answer and instead resorts to attending a whining Yangyang that can be heard a few steps away. </p><p>
  <em>WayV laughs. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kun was… everything Ten had looked for and more. well, he hadn't been <em> exactly </em> looking, but you get me. Kun was everything Ten had always expected and liked as a person, whether it was romantically or just friendly, platonic. Ten had come to the conclusion, over time, that he needed someone just like Kun in his life, in whatever form, just <em> present </em>. and he just happened to be lucky enough to have his WayV leader wanting him back. </p><p>it had all started when Kun stopped dancing to <em> Black on Black </em> , the rest of the NCT members walking out of the practice room, and only Kun and him left behind, looking at each other's reflection through the mirror. his still sloppy chinese articulating <em> “我们 会 没事 的.” </em> and Kun, messy, sweaty, haggard, down, <em> broken </em> , had answered back <em> “我们 会 好 起来 的.” </em></p><p>Ten knew Kun had been there before. he saw him when he first entered the company, cute dimples adorning his face, his soft fluffy untouched brown hair falling messily around his face, a backpack thrown over his shoulder, and no trace of fear, despite being the new trainee. Ten could have never denied that that chinese trainee was handsome and that if Kun had been bolder to approach him, Ten would have definitely made him his almost immediately. </p><p>he <em> knew </em> Kun for almost five years before truly getting to <em> know </em> him at all. like, he knew for a fact, through the distance, that Kun used to move his hands whenever he struggled to explain something in korean and that unconsciously he said <em> yes </em> or <em> no </em> in chinese too, which wasn't a problem for anyone because almost every trainee in the company knew at least the basic words in at least five languages. but now he <em> knew </em> that Kun dragged that syllable or that other one a little longer than necessary when speaking mandarin, he knew Kun blinked thrice when being spoken to in english or a very fast korean, in an attempt to get his brain to process before answering. he knew by heart the way his r's would roll out in english, he could almost anticipate which syllable he would mispronounce when trying to learn a little thai, and he could preview in his mind the sweet image of him closing his left eye when he failed at something, as opposed to when the sun hit him straight on the face, Ten knew that then, Kun would close his right eye first. </p><p>after living with his WayV members for some months he just found it easy to be himself and no one, ever, especially not Kun, dragged him down because of it. they joked around, sure, they were like brothers now and it was fun, but they knew what, when and where to do it. Ten could now wake up first, clean a little, take care of their cats, go and wake up Kun in the gentlest way possible and then cook breakfast together, he could ruffle Yangyang's hair in the most motherly way possible, while Kun did the same to Dejun; he could walk up to tall Yukhei and ask him what was wrong whenever he seemed a little different, then, Yukhei would tell him nothing was wrong, and would proceed to tell him about the beautiful dream he had had, where all of them were under the moonlight, just messing around at midnight. he just found no conflict of interests, Kun led them all accordingly and made sure to be there for everyone of them, but never in an overwhelming manner, he messed around too and acted like a kid when the atmosphere was suitable; Kun never interfered in whatever Ten was doing and if Ten wanted to handle something by himself, then Kun would just take a seat and let himself be guided as well. </p><p>Ten just had found it so easy to build a worthy group with Kun by his side. and so, more often than not, he would let his eyes trail to Kun's defined figure, admiring the way his eyelashes would flutter, how his smile brightened up his handsome features, the dimples appearing on his soft cheeks, his eyes closing beautifully with his bangs fanning over his forehead; he used to catch the movement of his tongue when he was concentrated, or licking his lips absentmindedly. his sharp cat-like eyes would also follow eagerly the movement of his hands, how Kun sometimes licked his fingers, how he passed his hands between his hair, how his middle finger would push up his glasses, how his fingers curved when he was holding a knife or chopsticks when cooking. Ten would also observe how his arms moved gracefully when dancing, how his shoulders slowly built up with his workouts, the way his biceps looked while being wrapped around either of their members, but also the way his big hoodies fell loose and surpassed his fingers. he liked to see the way his facial expressions changed, like, the stare Kun gave Yangyang, wasn't the same he gave Sicheng, his happy eyes weren't the same when he was concerned, his brows would arch just slightly when worried, his jawline would tighten when angry and sometimes his nose would scrunch up in disgust at some things. Ten couldn't help but feel his skin bristle whenever he heard Kun laugh, when he could hear his singing voice, he could feel himself go relaxed when Kun, leader Kun, would apply his soft skills on them, and a smile would scape his lips when Kun's beautiful voice called out his name. <em> Chittaphon. Li Yong Qin. Ten. </em> because Kun <em> knew </em> him, Ten wasn't sure how, but Kun knew him inside out, and that fact alone made Ten's knees go weak. </p><p><em>“you look beautiful in that shot, Ten-ah,”</em> Ten would feel his stomach go wild, butterflies flying around, his ears red, an unstoppable smile, his heart beating fast and rough in his chest. like a whole damn natural disaster. but it wasn't. you know why? because that was when Ten felt the calmest too. like Kun's voice could soothe him, heal all his wounds, embrace him the exact way he had always desired. </p><p><em>“huh? oh! you're not so bad yourself Kun gē.”</em> and Kun would blush so adorably, Ten would coo at him. <em>“are you blushing, gēgē?” </em></p><p>
  <em> “shut up, you brat.”  </em>
</p><p>sometimes he didn't know if he wanted to destroy Kun or to be destroyed by him. soon he found out it really didn't matter. because with Kun, everything was different. Kun was so strong all the time, that Ten just felt it in him to take him, give, give and give, until Kun was a whining mess below him, clinging to him with his life, spreading his legs wider and wider, bending his neck for him to take. </p><p><em> “i'm going to make you feel so good,” </em> Ten would say. <em> “worship you like the beautiful piece of art you truly are,” </em> because Ten was nothing less than an artist, you and i know that so well. </p><p>and so Kun would arch his back off the mattress, or plop all his weight onto his elbows, presenting himself to Ten, never daring do anything Ten didn't indicate. </p><p>but some other times, Kun would push Ten against the wall, biting his collarbone, his chest, later his thighs, never his neck because Kun was very aware of the makeup noonas and their members as opposed to Ten, who would really give a damn. Kun would wrap his strong fingers in Ten's thighs and butt to hold him against the wall while thrusting into him, wrapping an arm around his waist so tightly, Ten would often just climax from that. </p><p>they had a rhythm. i can't tell you with exactitud. but it was them. Ten and Kun. Kun and Ten. </p><p>it is often said that the basis of a good family, a good society, a good kingdom, is a powerful couple. </p><p>well yes. with that intense feeling they share, were they able to build their perfect life. </p><p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>(11:48:53)</em>
</p><p>“do you regret it?” Ten questioned.</p><p>Kun swung his legs on the edge of the bed.</p><p>they had awakened in each other's arms, in a more serious fashion than the night before. the room still had a certain smell, not bad, not sexual, rather familiar. tangled up in the sheets and not bothering to change or cover up, just keeping their crotch under the covers, they sat and contemplated life. neither of them said anything for brief seconds.</p><p>“i could never,” was the reply.</p><p>silence.</p><p>“i don't understand,” Kun continued in a whisper, “why you did it, though.” </p><p>Ten opened his eyes and turned almost scandalised at the speed of light.</p><p>“why?” he repeated and it almost sounded mocking and that forced Kun to look over his naked shoulder in his direction. “why,<em> i like you</em>.” </p><p>
  <em>(11:49:40)</em>
</p><p>more silence.</p><p>“don't you like me?” </p><p>this time Kun turned his entire body, putting his feet back on the bed.</p><p>“how could i not?” he asked rhetorically. “you're amazing, so beautiful and clever and strong, stubborn and spoiled at times, yes, but that's just as wonderful. and you've been there for me even before i could remember. i admire you.” Kun paused and gulped. “and yes, i like you.” </p><p>Ten felt something he could only call satisfaction swell in his chest. he lowered his head. </p><p>“i didn't even know i wanted <em>this</em>,” Ten admitted. “i didn't know that yearning for a family was something i had capacity for. god, i didn't even know i wanted to take care of someone like they really were my children. i mean, i knew i wanted to build something, to be part of something, to fulfill my dreams, and be myself. i just never thought i would find everything that i did know i wanted and what i didn't know i wanted but definitely needed in one place, with just one person.”</p><p>“Taeyong…” Kun trailed, his voice lowering to a whisper. </p><p>“we could have never worked out,” the thai boy interrupted him. “we were dead to each other before we could even realise.”</p><p>Kun lowered his gaze. there was no doubt that this subject put a burden on him, and that was completely understandable, Ten himself would've felt overwhelmed had he been in Kun's position. but they were adults. he knew Taeyong to be reasonable enough to let it be, and he also knew Taeyong still loved him, Ten loved him too, just in a different way, so they wanted what was best for each other. they were fine. they were going to be fine. </p><p>“<em>you</em>,” Ten sighed. “<em>you</em> are everything i have been waiting for. everything i have been working for. everything i have always deserved. am i the same to you?” </p><p>“<em>yes</em>,” Kun's reply came. simple, fast, true. “yes, you are.” </p><p> </p><p>… </p><p> </p><p>“morning,” Sicheng greeted from the couch, wrapped in a blanket watching television.</p><p>“good morning,” Ten replied.</p><p>right after they went to work, Kun made breakfast, while Ten set the table for eating. one by one, each of their younger members came out wearing pajamas, washed faces and disheveled hair. they sat in order, as they had silently agreed, the table was round, but Kun had his place on the right side of the circle, near the kitchen, Ten on his left, Sicheng on Ten's left, Yangyang on Kun's right, always close for being the youngest, immediately after Dejun, Kunhang and Yukhei.</p><p>the television was playing in the background, a low volume song coming from the speaker in the kitchen, Ten and Sicheng's soft voice holding a conversation, Yukhei teasing Dejun, Yangyang laughing after fighting with Kunhang and Kun reprimanding them because the food was going to get cold. their feet were bare under the table. Bella wagged her tail waiting for some food, Louis and Leon's ears twitched and their tail moved lazily waiting for the moment to attack the table. and in between all that scene, there was Ten, taking Kun's hand in his.</p><p>“we've built this,” he would tell him.</p><p>“i told you we would make it,” Kun replied.</p><p>“ah!” Yukhei exclaimed after tasting the food. “i missed this. it's so good to be home.”</p><p><em>home</em>.</p><p><em>and it was</em>. it was <em>so</em> good to be home. </p><p> </p><p>… </p><p> </p><p>now, after so many years of belonging nowhere, of trying to find their own identity, of desiring a family, if you asked any of the WayV members what home was, their answer was always the same:</p><p>
  <em>Ten and Kun. Kun and Ten. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“hey, guys! would you like to come over?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“no, thanks. Ten and Kun are staying, we want to be home.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>… </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>souls tend to go back to who feels like home. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is the principal story for "who are you?", both stories can be read independently tho.<br/>this is only one chapter, i dunno when i'll finish or how long it'll be, but i hope you enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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